snow ball effect

Do you ever let your day to day emotions, thoughts, actions, or motives build up? Something that seems so small..something you think you can just "push aside" (not realizing it still has authority over me) but choose to just let it pass because "its easier". Eventually though it back fires, eventually it explodes, eventually it (whatever "it" may be)is born to mad chaos.

Pretty sure i just described how i live, a pattern so rooted in my being. Last night at bible study a sweet friend taught us about the importance of prayer and confession. So many things just kept pointing back to this irritating root in my life, the kind that keeps coming back even after the weed-whacker, and multiple weed killers. What does it really look like to live a lifestyle of confession? This is how i process whether i should confess:

is it worth it?
Is it that big of a deal to confront that person with that pety little sin?
does it really matter because its not affecting anyone else, just me?
It's only happened a few times..when it gets to be a lot then i will confess and ask for help.

You see that is where i am so SO wrong. I let myself get too far gone (aka: control till i can not physically handle it anymore)  and then ask for help. Not till sin is full grown do i see the need to fight it. But if i am honest with myself the snow ball effect is awful, so draining, and overwhelming..

God however, is writing a new story in my life, one called redemption. He plays the role of Hero..A hero that comes to the damsel in distress.. embraces her, loves her, makes a commitment to her, takes her by the hand and whispers "come follow me."

Jesus i confess that i am a wreck. I try and try and try to be "good enough" but end up 5 steps backwards. I confess i do not see the depth of my sin day to day as important UNTIL its unmanageable.  Help me to kill sin before it kills me. Help me get deep into the root, rather than causally managing whats above ground and will soon regrow. So thankful that i can not add or take away from the gospel. what a relief! you love to hear my honesty, you love when i finally let the punching fist take a break and you love me as ashley adams.. the ashley here and now..still messy..still a sinner, still forgets you are on my side, still a insecure lil girl who tries to act like "everything is ok". Thank you for loving me even when i don't love you back.

1 John 1:9  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.